Activewear Gull
This bird can be identified by her markings: black stretch pants, jogging shoes with neon accents, zip-up top. She will be carrying a water bottle, and rolled yoga mat.
These markings let us know she is either on her way to a Yoga or Zumba class, on the way back from a Yoga or Zumba class, or somewhere in-between. Basically, she is prepared to work out at any moment, all day, every day.
Yes,
the Activewear Gull is into fitness but she is also very, very busy. So
busy that she has no time to change into any other clothing.
And if she is busy, that means she is important. So if you see a gull
in yoga pants you know she is definitely an influential go-getter. Or she
just likes stretchy clothes.
Start-Up Possum
With his fresh Masters degree in Engineering secured in his leather messenger bag, the Start-UPossum migrates to San Francisco. Once he has found a start-up company to mate with, he begins the arduous task of filling his hi-rise apartment with expensive stuff.
The Start-UPossum hopes to eventually find a more appropriate mate but first he must finish the process of becoming Steve McQueen. He is already on his way when he makes his first large purchase; the custom Triumph bike which was built new for him and is somehow vintage at the same time. And by carrying his matching custom helmet (a subtle, but beautiful army green) wherever he goes, he can show potential mates that he pretty much is Steve McQueen.
The Eager to be Naked Beaver
Whenever the temperature in San Francisco pushes past 60 degrees you may see them. The Eager to be Naked Beaver lives for any opportunity to be bare in public. The athletic males remove thier shirts. The hairy, free spirits remove everything but their puka shell necklace. On a sunny day, female Eager Beavers (a bit more rare) can be spotted wearing a bikini, laying on any patch of grass larger than their beach towel. |
The Used Record Rat
Three
times a week, the used record rat wakes up at 2PM in the morning,
gets off his best friend's couch and heads to work. This remarkable
creature actually has communication skills, though very limited. It
can acknowledge your presence with an eventual nod of the head. It
can also speak in basic greetings like "Sup, man?" But don't
mistake this for an ability to actually help you. The used record rat
is incapable of saying things like "It will be just a minute,
and then I can help you." or "She can actually take care of you at the other counter." Instead the rat will look down and
continue shuffling stacks of CDs by Smashmouth, Ace of Base and other
bands no one likes anymore until you eventually throw your arms up, say "Fuck it, never-mind" and leave. Why? Because turning you into the dick affirms that he is the cool one. And being cool is all the used record rat has.
Designer Victim Penguin
Not every creature in in the wilds of San Francisco can be a peacock. The Designer Victim Penguin is not born with that jaw-dropping flash and dazzle the peacock gives off so effortlessly. Why can't he feel a little fancy too? We understand. But a penguin that buys his flash can easily go overboard in a city that offers a sea of glamour. Like a goat left alone on a lush exotic island, eating until his stomach explodes, the Designer Victim Penguin will never stop mindlessly consuming clothes, accessories, and anything else with a label.
Faux Pimp Fox
A genuine Pimp Wolf can be very hard to spot in the wilds of San Francisco. Our only real clue is that he is being a dick to more than one female at a time. On the other hand the Faux Pimp Fox can be spotted easily roaming the plains of the SoMa or strutting down Divisadero Street. Always alone, he hunts for the next clearance sale at a Spirit Halloween Store.
Tenderloin Terry
Terry The Tenderloin Terrier
Explorers of San Francisco will no doubt want to see Union Square, which is home to a vast amount of shopping and place one can hop (after a 1 hour wait) onto a cable car. Be aware though, deviate from the trails by a block or two and you may find yourself in the lawless wilderness known as the Tenderloin.
Party Hound
You can remove a hound from a party but you can't remove the party from a hound.
Khaki Koala
Khaki Koala
The male Khaki Koala is a puzzling creature. While the female of this species will carry her belongings in a Louis Vuitton purse, or even load up an otherwise empty stroller, the male chooses to jam all of his worldly possessions into the two pockets that occur naturally on each side of his Dockers.
Aging Goth Three-Toed Sloth
We all know that there is nothing cuter than a baby sloth. But eventually the young sloth must assert its maturity and independence. This is often done by embracing all that is dark and "disturbing". By dying areas of its fur to unnatural colors and applying unflattering markings to its face, the soon-to-be-grown sloth tells its parents (and everyone else) that she no longer needs to be told what to do to survive in this harsh, totally fucked up world, OK?!!
Sadly (so...very sadly), some sloths never transition from this phase into true maturity. The Aging Goth Three-toed Sloth is a heart-breaking example of a creature who got stuck somehow in its development. She still turns her back on the "Normals" who have long-since grown bored with her once outrageous markings. After decade of brooding and sulking she knows no other way but to go on rebelling against....well, against what, science just can't be sure.
Welcome to the Astounding World of SF-WildLife
Welcome to my new blog experiment! My name is Ben Walker. I'm an illustrator living in San Francisco, California. Living here has always been my dream. I guess my whole life right now is a fantasy come to life. I live in a smallish one bedroom apartment with a beautiful model and we're crazy in love. I make art and hustle to make rent and pay my bills.
But living in SF is kind of nuts!
For the first time in my adult life, I am without a car. I walk a lot. It keeps me in shape and on my toes. During the two years I have walked and bussed around this city I have seen some amazing and unbelievable sights. On an average day I see about six truly astounding things; things I might want to recall to a grandchild. When I was say, 20 my friends and I would witness something nutty and it would become an inside joke to be repeated for years. Now I see these kinds of things every day. Have you ever seen a grown man punting bagels across a busy intersection? French teens riding their skateboards on the bus? A junky dancing in a corn costume? That was my Tuesday.
I have started to record these wild and bizarre characters and situations. Each Weekday I will post a new creature that I have encountered in this untamed city. I hope you all are as fascinated by them as I am.
Welcome to Ben Walker's SF-WildLife!
New Years Resolution Rhino
The New Years Resolution Rhino can be identified by his doughy physique and trendy, yet ill-advised choice in footwear.