The Used Record Rat
Three
times a week, the used record rat wakes up at 2PM in the morning,
gets off his best friend's couch and heads to work. This remarkable
creature actually has communication skills, though very limited. It
can acknowledge your presence with an eventual nod of the head. It
can also speak in basic greetings like "Sup, man?" But don't
mistake this for an ability to actually help you. The used record rat
is incapable of saying things like "It will be just a minute,
and then I can help you." or "She can actually take care of you at the other counter." Instead the rat will look down and
continue shuffling stacks of CDs by Smashmouth, Ace of Base and other
bands no one likes anymore until you eventually throw your arms up, say "Fuck it, never-mind" and leave. Why? Because turning you into the dick affirms that he is the cool one. And being cool is all the used record rat has.